My Mantra

“This Sanskrit word referring to a spoken word or phrase comes from a word for ‘to think’.”

It was the Final Jeopardy clue on Tuesday, February 7, 2023. The category was Word Origins.

Only barely familiar with Sanskrit, I focused incorrectly on the last part — ‘to think’ — attempting to engage my five years of high school French. Penser? Je pense? Nous penserons? I was certain that “pens” was the root of the correct answer.

Having Molly in the room for Jeopardy is always to our advantage. She amazes us regularly with categories from Pop Culture to European History. Once again, on this particular night while je was still pensing, she got it right:

“What is a mantra?”

Of course. 

Do you have a mantra? I do. It’s my go-to at the end of a run. As I ascend the hill that leads to our street, I chant in my head, “I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.” Still to this day, I cap it with a “Go, Mommy, go!”, as my tow-headed toddler used to say from his perch some twenty-three years ago in his purple jog stroller. 

It’s what got me home. 

My mantra is borrowed. Borrowed from the poet William Ernest Henley, but also borrowed from a GoJenGo t-shirt. Jen was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer in August 2007. For many years, before RunJenRun began (The inaugural race was March 2, 2013), we’d form a team for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure uptown. Each year, Jen would pick a new shirt color and a new quote for the back. And a sea of supporters, commonly clad in her honor would march forth in unison.

This one debuted in 2011:

It was preceded the first year by a more Biblical-based theme, Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” With Henley’s less theistic verse and several years of fighting under her belt, I wondered if Jen’s faith in God had shifted? In my eyes, she could do whatever she wanted. Jen was a badass and her determination was unparalleled. She could put “Eff Cancer” on the back of her shirt, and attribute the quote to herself if she so chose. But Henley’s quote stuck with me, too. And I do not believe it meant diminished faith in a higher power. I think it just meant that she had a battle before her, and if she was going to fight it, she needed courage.

She was one of the bravest people I have ever known. 

Until today, I did not know that my mantra came from the poem Invictus. Never lose hope. Unconquerable. You control your fate and you decide your future. You can do that alongside a faith in whatever or whomever you believe. Jen never lost hope. In fact, she made sure that hope would live on for countless others through her extraordinary legacy, GoJenGo.org. 

I vividly recall Britt’s words as she read from Jen’s calendar at her funeral: 

“February 1. My parent’s anniversary. Cannot die that day.”  

Jen was the captain of her soul. She was Extraordinary. She died on February 2, 2014.

Here is Invictus in its entirety. Its words are strong and descriptive and extravagant.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

Or savor this version recited by British celebrities from the 2015 Invictus Games. OMG. Jen would have loved this.

It means that I determine what my future will bring by the way I see life and its realities. It puts me in the driver’s seat. 

Back to Feb. 7, 2023. 

(Aside: My mantra that morning delivered, mastered, and captained.)

While I sat in my warm living room, determined to come up with a word that means “to think,” Matthew Marcus, a Monty Python-esque software developer from Portland, Oregon, and my daughter, Molly Mitchell, a smart and stunning student from Charlotte, North Carolina (channel Johnny Gilbert), would both conquer Final Jeopardy with the correct answer:

“What is a mantra?” 

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On February 25, I shall honor my friend and chant my mantra as I RunJenRun in Symphony Park. 

Join me?